pics from this time...

trying not to be ripped open...

I have a lot to talk about. A lot I need to get out and put down and let go.

I am getting close to being ready. It is bubbling up.

I read iamvulnerable or Eden and it just clicks how necessary it is for me.

But...

not yet.

I am simply too tired to spend that much energy crying and typing all I so desperately need to.

It will come soon. I have no choice.

You see this is really my only outlet anymore.

At least for now. And I am trying to reconcile that too. But more on that later.

More on so much...

more.






So...

For now I leave you a song that just crawls into my core and moves me to my bones. That just makes me feel so much when maybe I do not want to feel what is right there shoving to get out. This song lets me feel and cry and not lose it completely.

Like the valve on a pressure cooker, it just lets a little steam out so I don't burst.

I fucking love this song.

recent pics...

more pics...

fluff, loves, sleep, food...

I have not been posting lately for a myriad of reasons. Things have been rough lately. Things with my wonderful family have been fine, and wonderful. Business and financial things have been really stressful and I just do not want to spend this space bemoaning things financial or otherwise unpleasant. This is not to say I would hesitate to write if things with my children were stressful, but they are not.

I will be posting pictures more often soon I hope but probably content will stay pretty fluffy for a while so please, anyone left reading bear with me.

One quick note about sleep, Soul had been battling me a bit for a while and it was fine, a pain but to be expected. Then one night I tried total darkness. I got Bliss tucked in, got everything ready for me and hit the lights all out, even covering the clock's glow, and then felt around for Soul and pulled her into her spot and nursed her. Since that night she has been asleep with 5 minutes every night. EVERY NIGHT PEOPLE!!! It has been a couple months now. Come spring and summer I will be blacking out our rooms windows for sure. Now I wonder is pitch black would have helped Bliss way back when. Both always slept great but the getting to sleep was always long and hard. Now after she falls asleep Bliss and I turn on a taped Mythbusters and have our time for an hour before he goes to sleep. It is amazing.

Lastly I am posting a picture of a salad I made recently. It is truly the best salad I have ever had anywhere. I dream of it. Here is a link to the recipe by Jamie Oliver.

Much love to all and PEACE as always.

lots of pics...