Wednesday, November 4, 2009

my soul (6 mos)...

My daughter.
My Soul.
My soul.

She is 6 months today and time is so unfair how it flies by with your children.
She is crawling for the past week or two, and she is talking up a dang storm.
But this post is about something else. This is a love letter.

To compare my feelings to relationships, for that is what we have, my children and I, relationships. With Bliss it was like an intense one night stand that turned out to be the best choice ever made. He was very planned but happened so easily and all was so intense from the moment he arrived.

With Soul it was like a long slow courtship with all the years of infertility and trying, and then she came and the birth was so wonderful and gentle and the love grew slowly, softly.

Both relationships took me to the same place. I can honestly say that I love both my children the same amount, the same fierceness, the same passion and wonder. But they grew very differently to this wondrous place. And both ways were perfect and just how they should be.

I am also caught off guard often at how thought provoking having a daughter is. It is so deep whenever I even slightly think about it. So much I want for her, so much I want to protect her from on so many different levels than with Bliss. Yes so much is the same but as a woman, with all the things I have been through as a woman, because I am a woman, it is terrifying yet also such a huge honor. Such a responsibility. Such a blessing.

She is so very precious, and darling. Very very sweet and has these little ways about her. She sings to herself in this soft way I just delight in. She also makes zerbert sounds for ages with her mouth, her cheeks puffing out as her lips and tongue make the spitting sound. She will go from extremely upset where I am running to pick her up or pull over on the road to making that sound completely content , in a 2 second period and I just laugh and laugh. We all do. She just delights and amazes me. She seems like she may be a quirky soul and I find that so totally awesome. I get to know this wonderful person and get to live with her every day of my life. How totally fantastic is that????

Goddess I am lucky.

I am head over heels in love with her and it feels so good. I was honestly terrified for a time that it would not end up here, not like this, not the same, but it has, softly and gently and steadily it has and I am so grateful for it all.

Getting to witness the purity of Bliss' and Soul's love for each other is so breathtaking. Truly it grows daily and they are completely besotted with each other. Bliss always comforts her when she is upset and can get her to laugh longer and harder than anyone else, including me, by a long shot. Soul will follow him with her eyes even if she has to crane her body or try and leap away from my arms.

She simply adores him and he her and these pictures, while adorable, do not do them and their love justice.

Both of my children are such such SUCH extraordinary beings.
Truly amazing in so many ways and it is so evident to me daily.
I just have to stay out of my own way on my journey parenting them.


battynurse said...

What a beautiful post. Those pictures are just precious. Especially the ones of the two of them together.

Anne said...

Wow. What an uplifting and beautiful message you have given us. And you have beautiful children, indeed.

jay said...

absolutely gorgeous!

tireegal68 said...

Beautiful and inspiring - all of you!!!

MrsSpock said...

Lovely post. You all sound incredibly happy, and I am so glad you made it to this other side.

PaleMother said...

They are just gorgeous, Bleu. Best of luck and smooth sailing with the new business.

The Queen said...

A few questions.

1. Why doesn't Bliss wear clothes? at least underpants? Is this part of your alternative parenting? will this continue as Soul grows also? Do you spend time unclothed?

2. Why did you move to Canada? Is it because you were in trouble with DFS for your parenting practices.

3. You promote alot of au natural things...yet you let your son watch tv and play video games constantly....

Just some things I have not been able to find the answers to in your blog,


Stacey said...

love the pictures. wow, she is strong for her age!!! i don't know if i could handle jackson actually moving forward yet (he moves backwards and can rotate). we need to babyproof!!

Sara said...

Soul is beautiful, and 6 months!! wow! Bliss is getting so big! I'm so happy for you! Sorry about the business. Sending you happy thoughts.